Matthew Osborne
A lot of people think they are funny. Anyone can crack a good joke here and there, but to have a genuine sense of humor, that has immeasurable value.
I think I’m pretty funny. Others may not agree, but humor in writing is a difficult craft to master. Many so-called “humorists” have written in newspapers for centuries, and they were among the most popular writers in the golden age of newspapers.
Most people calling themselves humorists these days don’t resonate with me, except for one visionary – Emory Jones.
He is the only humorist in our time who speaks to me, with his adventurous madcap fictional pigs. His book, “Cunningham and Other Pigs I Have Known,” sits on my nightstand in case I need a laugh.
We at The Northeast Georgian have run Jones’ column the last couple of months and we plan to continue doing so. Emory is well-known to readers of The White County News.
On a recent trip to Hardman Farm, I thought about a couple of ideas that Emory could run with, but rather than try to tell a master how to paint the Mona Lisa, I figured I would take my own crack at some pig adventures.
So here it is, my attempt at getting down in the muck.
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There I was driving through New Jersey with my pig Taylor Ham when we came upon a jug handle. For those who don’t know, those are roundabouts, only worse, and we all know how folks here feel about roundabouts.
Trouble is, even though Taylor Ham is a Northern pig by nature, he has gotten used to the South, just like me. Anyway, like any smart pig raised in the South, Taylor knows NASCAR, and he can only take real left turns. He doesn’t understand taking a right to make a left. He doesn’t even swine right on the internet.
After chasing him down a few times and getting him back in the car, we reached our destination, where
my sons took their own turns at humor with their pig, Porksival.
They named him after a dog they met at Hardman Farm named Percival. But Porksival has a certain magnetism that no one could resist.
They started telling pig-related jokes, like “What’s the difference between a hot potato and a flying pig? One is a heated yam, and the other is yeeted ham.”
OK, not only is that corny, but it was not the end of the twisted tails.
It went on like this. “Why shouldn’t you tell a secret to a pig? It might squeal.”
I countered by telling them that I entered Taylor Ham in a pig race near Clemson, S.C., pitting him against legends like Dabo Swine-y and Tommy Sow-den, but he pulled a hamstring before the race and was disqualified.
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As you can see, we all have our lanes, and pig tales might be out of mine. I have my moments being funny, but the true master craft takes time to hone.
Enjoy Emory’s piece when it runs here from time to time.
I’ll try to stick to the troughs and the squeaks that I am used to.
Matthew Osborne is the editor of The Northeast Georgian. Reach him at 706-778-4215 or editor@TheNortheastGeorgian.com.