Matthew Osborne
We have more than enough video games in our house, and even though our kids are only allowed to play those games on Friday afternoons and weekends, it is hard to forget how many gaming options they have.
And so, sitting on a lonely shelf (two shelves really, taking up a lot of valuable real estate in our space-challenged family room) are four stacks of board games. There was a time when that was all we had to entertain us.
This is not intended to be one of those columns where I say “All we had in my day was a can and a piece of string,” but maybe it will go there, let’s see.
The biggest impediment to our family gathering around a nice board game is that, like so many dinner debates, no one can agree on the same one.
We have three versions of Clue, but frankly, what’s the point? My wife will have the answer while we are still dusting for prints.
Battleship? Kind of antiquated and too much geometry for my taste.
Trivial Pursuit? Ha, finally a chase worthy of an intellectual, and yet, I go unchallenged. I am undefeated all-time in Star Wars Trivial Pursuit, and no one in my home dares cross me in the regular version.
We have the 20th anniversary game, but somehow, I think that is even 10-15 years old.
My parents started playing Trivial Pursuit in the 80s at my aunt and uncle’s beach house, which they actually named “Trivial Pursuit.” Who names their house, and after a board game?
We got our own version of the game and played it at home, but my parents always claimed the “youth” edition was too easy. It was not exactly the Peter Griffin version where they asked him what color the red fire truck was, but it was probably easier than I needed it to be.
One night, Pops played against my childhood buddy Kevin and I, and he ripped us off on the final question. I don’t even remember the question, to be honest - it’s been 30 years after all - but I remember that we answered “clover leaf” The answer was “shamrock.” He refused to give it to us, thus costing us victory.
Go ahead, type shamrock into a text message on your phone. Now separately, type clover. It’s OK, I’ll wait. What emoji comes up when you type those?
THEY’RE THE SAME DARN THING.
(Hold on … I’m breathing into a paper bag with rage. Maybe a three-decade grudge is why I gave up board games.)
Moving on.
Scrabble? I got punked out in Words with Friends and rage quit, so I am certainly not going back to the old manual version.
Monopoly? Why would I want to pretend to be a financial failure?
The game of Life? How many of these little blue and pink stick kids do they expect me to support?
I like good old fashioned card games – Hearts, Spades, Poker and more – but I cannot seem to muster any interest here at home. Again, my dominance in those arenas is too great.
And so, there is no one board game that is both a worthy challenge and an enjoyable time for everyone in the Osborne house.
So the games continue to gather dust as we wonder why the connections between us in our society have been severed. We could all use a good, old timey game night every now and then, because if we can’t fight with the people we love most over whether the card says “Moops” or “Moors,” what’s the point of it all?
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to attach this piece of string to an aluminum can. Good day to you.
Matthew Osborne is the editor of The Northeast Georgian. Reach him at 706-778-4215 or editor@TheNortheastGeorgian.com.